Change

I think I am more callous. I don’t know why, it just the way I feel. The unstable uncertainty of the future looms, and my overwhelming emotion is anger. At least I am aware of the change. I don’t know how it is possible to want something and resent it at the same time. 

I thought that keeping busy would help, I thought that the seasons would help, but neither of these previous pillars hold the same appeal. Perhaps, it is just that I am frustrated. I think this is a more valid argument. Things are simply not the same and I am having a hard time reconciling what I know, with what is. 

I continue to look back at the past more fondly than it occurred. That’s why I want to write here, because I know I will feel this way again--and I will think back to when I was in this time and in this place; and I will wrongly remember my happiness and enjoyment. Until I read this excerpt and learn that I wasn’t. 

And that’s okay. Sometimes it is better to feel your emotions than to pretend. To understand the way I view life will constantly change; but its vivacity remains the same. There is still so much to be seen and done, and opportunities to be had. I am not there yet. And that is okay.